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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29604999">User Was Suspended</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Identity Porn, Internet, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, 🤣</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:48:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29604999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is just how the world works. Everyone can't hire Iron Man as a bodyguard, but anyone could volunteer.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Deadpool</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi. Okay anyways so you know I hate (graphic) backstories. Okay now it's better tagged.</p><p>Since part of this fic takes place on the internet, there will be some merciless teasing of internet people. </p><p>i shortened the numbers for the anons so now it's more intimate and hopefully less excruciating for screenreaders. You will learn who the important anons are, or you can try to guess since, for the readers and not in-universe, the numbers are less than random for some of the anons.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am mad I kept this in New York why can't there be normal AU's. Put it back in Florida.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"One day they're gonna catch me and kick me off NEETs of New York." Bucky said. "Then I'll just have you and all the other online-weirdos."</p><p>"You won't get banned, you don't have education or experience."</p><p>"If you really think about it, my training isn't very applicable to today's job market." Bucky was looking at the scope of his sexy gun, and I know Deadpool is cool and all but Bucky is probably showing him up with his sniper powers. Deadpool's probably zeroed in on his daughter playing explorers with the neighbor, Bucky's got Rogers Steven Grant's fingers framed in HD, curled smartly, big sexy knife in hand, cutting garlic completely wrong. It is a different skillset since kids move around more. I'm just saying Bucky is more fine-tuned. "How is she?"</p><p>"She's great, man. How's yours?"</p><p>"How the fuck should I know? I don't even know why I'm doing this. Huh." Bucky clicks his tongue. His mark has stopped chopping, but not because he's nipped a fingertip. In fact, Bucky changed the angle a little to find his other hand is on his hip. And when Bucky fixes the angle again, Rogers is looking directly out the window. "Fuck, he saw us." 

</p><p>"Uh, there's no way. That's the point of using a scope, prettyboy. There's like a hundred million rooftops between you and him."

</p><p>"Mine's bigger than yours I could shoot you from 100 miles away." Bucky hurries out their customary parting threat, putting his gun and bag over his shoulder.

</p><p>"Yeah, yeah." They are of course sworn to not interfere with eachother. Bucky because that would just be weird (although, he doesn't have a life, so he could probably babysit her. How hard could it be?) and Wade because, I dunno, there just can't be anything good from Wade trying to ship Rogers. Or whatever they call it. Annoying is what they call it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. From the Logs : Weird Proposition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Manhattan 💋 Meets</p><p>Selected messages.</p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
Top seeking fake relationship.<br/>
If you need a date for Thanksgiving message me. Your mom will LOVE ME. A strict companion. Dinner and fancy apartment. All I do is work out, work, and charcoal drawing.</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
Fake top seeking real relationship!<br/>
I can't come to dinner, but I can scare off your ex or kill your step-dad. Dinners, drinks, and more fancy, more located apartment. One bed, but also strict. But, I expect some emotional vulnerability. I specialize in being unemployed and liking old cars. I don't work out, I just look this way! I will kill anyone for 10K.</p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
Top seeking 11310.<br/>
Okay virtue signaler. Yes, I will scare your ex. And look cute on Facebook.</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
Vers seeking 2 tops.<br/>
I'd date both of you.</p><p>mod<br/>
11310, you cannot solicit those kinds of relationships on these forums first warning.</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
Fake top seeking mod's mother<br/>
Huh? What did I do wrong? Oh please please don't ban me!<br/>
I will kill mod for free. Better?</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
Seeking all of you ;)<br/>
Can mod ban new people please I'm trying to get vids of guy's coming.</p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
cookie seeking monster<br/>
bit/csh9</p><p>mod<br/>
2112 you are suspended 1 hour for spamming.

</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
914 seeking cookie cream.<br/>
One day Anon will give us what we need.</p><p>mod<br/>
mod seeking moment of peace.<br/>
Good morning 2112 here is your coffee.</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
fake top seeking 914, 2112, and everyone else enjoy ;)<br/>
bit.tkk3</p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
Top seeking companionship
I don't mean for us to date the same guy. But, I can do two people. Anon you can reach me bit.ekk7 &lt;3</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
914 seeking 11310
Hot hot hot welcome anon.</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
fake top seeking aw shucks<br/>
I have been here. Anon now that you've gotten a little attention off MY back, you're now offering to take two at once?</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
Seeking man.<br/>
Oh I get it. You're each other's ex and trying to kill each other like Spy vs Spy. Anon has an apartment but the other anon got kicked :( 

</p><p>mod<br/>
11310 you are suspended 1 week for spam.

</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
Seeking fuck you<br/>
Uncalled for mod you can't do that NOW.

</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
Seeking harsh<br/>
A whole week for the new guy?

</p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
Uh seeking<br/>
Well, I suppose it might be spamming to seem like we weren't teasing each other. "7704 seeking 11310" For examples. Most of you are cute when you're doing that. He wasn't, he was just copying me. But for the curious, I've never talked with 11310 IIRC. So it's a mystery. I didn't mean to cause so much trouble. Going back to lurking. 

</p><p>Anon #8529
Dazed seeking confused
Wait, you guys obviously were teasing each other??

</p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
Anon seeking anon.<br/>
Thank-you anon &lt;3 Hi baby om nom nomz &lt;3 You're joking 7704.

</p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
7704 seeking 8529<br/>
I got you! Um, no. I didn't mind. I don't think I'm so out of bounds. But I know if you take the expected parts out of this stuff, it can stand out. I want to feel like I'm helping, not the other way around. I'm Mori and you're Tuesday. Or, vice versa, I haven't seen that.

</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
914 seeking 7704<br/>
We're not asking you to explain your kink you old pervert, we were just asking... Well now I'm asking what's up with other anon. And we may forget to ask him when he comes back to us. Him and his thighs...

</p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
Seeking danger<br/>
He'll be back. bit.csh2</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
914 seeking 2112<br/>
You are the bane of my existance.

</p><p>Anon #1220<br/>
Emberflame seeking Prince Wilson<br/>
New chapter bit.fde2

</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
8529 seeking 1220<br/>
Anon you're back!!! &lt;3 &lt;3 

</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
914 seeking 1220<br/>
This board is a joke.

</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
8529 seeking 914<br/>
Shut up and eat your dragon dick it's good for you!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay don't get Emberflame and Prince Wilson too far in your head. You, Marvel fan, are thinking of the wrong Wilson. I cannot fault you for it though. I'm leaving it but it was a place holder.<br/><br/>It was about him.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Man in Red</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So anyways, Tony's at a coffee shop date with a guy on the internet. Don't ask where Tony got him. Tony is only here to study him, seeing how forums melt your brain. Stupid Instagram hot guy. Needing a fake Instagram boyfriend. Not even--0% chance he's even gay. You know what? If it wasn't for the way he types, formal but not proofread, Tony would totally think that HE was the one being studied for forum brain deficiency. I guess they're both losers for having the afternoon free to go to a noisy shitty cafe. Anyways, tonight, Tony is studying a tight shirt, blond hair, straight nosed individual. These are the guys that have been driving Tony nuts lately. Where does this guy get off being handsome on the internet, huh? I mean, Tony is too, but come on.</p><p><i>Steve</i> takes his glasses off. He had glasses, the oldest trick in the disguise book. "Tony."</p><p>"Oh hey Steve." Tony says, very casual and normal. "What's up."</p><p>"I'm just out."</p><p>"Just out wearing red and smoking two cigarettes?" Tony says.</p><p>"Okay." Steve says, all mad about it. Like, to be fair, yeah, Steve was here chasing Anon. But Tony was DEFINITELY here CHASING Anon, you know? With Tony, it's usually the other way around. The OTHER reason we have to be fair to Steve being gay panicked is Steve has a bunch of clashing colors on. You can't say 'purple bow tie' (or, two cigarettes) in New York, or you'll end up asking after three different guys in just one cafe. And THAT is where Tony would draw the line at loserdom. And like, Tony would be mad too if he looked that weird on what was going to inevitably become a two-man team-meeting. Well, if Tony is lucky, they will MAKE it normal and forget the forum. "So in my defense, there's a lot of guys who would wear an Iron Man shirt." How rude. There's actually only one guy and he's got a reactor core glowing through it. I'm kidding, Tony is wearing a tie over it. Like, a windsor type of tie, not a bow tie. And a hat which is just all kinds of messed up. Listen, they just may be two peas in a pod, but the key is they are both equally vulnerable.</p><p>"Yeah, well, some guys think he looks pretty cool. I'm not gonna say I'm only here because I thought it was funny. Because, well, it must have been you on Kik so you know. Well anyways, you work a lot huh? What do you do?" Tony says, and smiles eagerly.</p><p>"I can't do this with YOU, Tony, come on."</p><p>"Well, you're not gonna be doing it with anyone else right now, because I am me. That's Anon to you, you haven't asked."</p><p>Steve sighs, about to get worn down, mutters something and says, "Let's have coffee and just forget about this."</p><p>"Please? One date? We can forget it after. Have I seen this party apartment?"

</p><p>"It's classified. But, I look good in a suit." Steve growls.

</p><p>"Uh.. Oh! Okay, so, CIA then, huh? That's cool."

</p><p>Steve rolls his eyes and leans back. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. "Business trips. I. Didn't mention that part. What do you do?" Steve says.

</p><p>"Business trips also. I think that would have been a selling point for you. I used to be the CEO of a company."

</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry."

</p><p>"No, I just stepped down. So, don't worry about dinner. Can we please please talk about your secret twink apartment."

</p><p>"Is Iron Man your favorite Avenger."

</p><p>HM!!!!!!!!!!!!! "I don't know if he's my favorite Avenger. I couldn't really pick one, it's like picking between my children." Pause for laughter. I mean, thanks Steve for laughing and making Tony breathe I love you so much I'm glad you've stopped being embarrassed about letting forums get you out of the house. So, so much. Oh this date is going to ruin Tony's life isn't it? It's going to kill the last little ember of hope, because how do you pick up these pieces and make a normal relationship. Tony has been wanting one of those, you know? Surprise. Well, obviously Steve would want something sort of normal. And that's what Tony wants, Steve. "I see myself in him." That's the one that Tony actually meant to be the funniest line, by the way. "I want him to be happy. It's like, you know." AH, we need to 'saying virtue signalling' on the list of things to make fun of Steve for. "I mean, what's it called, parasocial conjecture? Listen, I always looked up to Cap. Tain America, you know? I've met him. It was sometimes a don't meet your heroes moment, he's kind of an asshole, you know?" Hehehe. "He's nice the other times. Makes you feel important, even though he's busy. I've always wanted to get to know him under that funny cowl, you know? I feel like he has more to him than just, well, what I saw when I talked to him. Enough about me, tell me about your favorite Avenger."

</p><p>"Oh." Steve says. Fuck. He fidgets with his glasses and puts them on, and breaks character to look at Tony.

</p><p>"Relax, we could totally be just two teammates having a cup of Joe."

</p><p>"Sorry that Captain America is so busy."

</p><p>"I mean, like, Iron Man has a Letterboxd. What does Captain America have, a wordpress? Well I can't find it."

</p><p>"Everybody doesn't need their wordpress account to be public, Tony."

</p><p>"Then why do you publish it online?"

</p><p>"I don't. I don't follow your Letterbox. Because I don't need to know your bad taste in movies, because I do like you. I don't want to go to all the trouble to see Iron Man in the flesh just to constantly be fighting with him. All the time. Maybe I want to know Iron Man but there's this, this, I don't know. I mean, I'm just an average Joe too. That's not a real excuse for this, I don't know."

</p><p>"Alright. It's okay. You know, we don't even fight that much. HEY, can I ask? Who's your copycat?"

</p><p>"Oh, I forgot about him."</p><p>"Really, so, you don't lurk? Because the guys would not stop making shit up about you two. Like, I'm sorry for starting it."</p><p>Steve covered his face.</p><p>"All this is real to some of them. They're probably in a discord server."</p><p>"Is that dragon erotica real?" Steve says. Remember? When that guy was like, new chapter, and Tony got in a fight with videos-please-guy to defend dragon erotica guy's honor?</p><p>"Duh. You've SEEN it. It was cringe at first, but, it's 47 chapters. So. Some guys like porn with stories. And there is a lot you can put in 47 chapters."</p><p>"Wow, yeah, I could imagine. No, I don't click on things in forums."</p><p>"Wait, really?"</p><p>"Why is that a surprise." Steve is too Catholic for videos of guys coming all over their hand and knocking over their phone.</p><p>"Why are you even on those forums...!" Tony says, and then gasps dramatically. "Youu're trying to take care of someone. You're filling the Bucky-hole you got when you thought he'd be easy to find."

</p><p>"I'm not. I'm an adult. I don't have a Bucky-hole. I mean I'm not filling it with anything besides Bucky."

</p><p>"Well anyways, I'm glad you're filling your third-wheel-hole. Openly, I mean." Okay obviously it wasn't that clear when it was between Tony and Pepper, but it's easy to see Steve is kind of interested in the frisson between Bruce and Natasha. He probably wants to be in the middle. "After your little thing with Pepper." Steve is really too cute for his own good.

</p><p>Steve sighs. "I don't have one of those either." So, Steve totally accidentally sounded once like he was admitting to Tony that he'd home-wrecked with Pepper, which was so fucking funny, and then it was a whole thing for a minute, because they're both too good for that and Steve was mad Tony could even have misunderstood him. Now it's one of those old timey naive Steve moments to tease him about.

</p><p>"You're gonna if you have to juggle Christmas and Thanksgiving between all your sugarbabies. You're Steve Rogers, you care about people. Moms really would love the shit out of you."

</p><p>"Can we go back to being on a date?"

</p><p>"Okay, so, what kind of things do you draw?"

</p><p>"Usually just people, but sometimes cartoons and horses. I've been getting into horses. I can draw you." Steve says, and takes out a moleskine. He was prepared.

</p><p>"I think I'd like that." Tony says cooly. The way that Steve draws is unreal. It's like that one Italian guy that draws people.

</p><p>"What do you like to do?" Steve says, and then it's just Tony and Steve together, like they always are but with less world-saving bullshit, Tony tells him about robots and his latest thing. Steve does actually listen, for the record.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. From the Logs : Pets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I decided they should be weirder so this is about zoophilia.<br/>The links are clickable! To normal pet portraits, see endnote if it's not convient to open links.<br/></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Manhattan 💋 Meets<br/>
Selected messages</p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
Peanut butter seeking tongue<br/>
Post pet pics and rate sex appeal.<br/>
<a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/ca0d0edbc2a03abd05ed8154e53afcff/c38179179b1a7e56-18/s1280x1920/3d30585e9ae240e05e949a2d59db46848177cf9b.png">bit.jpg</a></p><p>Anon #914<br/>
Cat? seeking ..Pussy?<br/>
So what is that? 4/10</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
8529 seeking those eyes<br/>
Cheating. You can't pose it on its back. 10/10<br/>
<a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/248174b0c77f6cd80cef510ffe801523/c38179179b1a7e56-52/s400x600/9aeb3f06b5041701570bb429c80bf3b9a7618ac2.png">bit.jpg</a></p><p>Anon #914<br/>
8====D seeking :3 but facing the right direction<br/>
Now I'm hard 10000/10</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
:3 seeking :3<br/>
Fuck sex appeal. May I have your blessing to marry it?<br/>
<a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/3818067a27fa7d8d047f896e792347fc/c38179179b1a7e56-11/s1280x1920/f2520be767fc2005d6981311e986e290a70c4d54.png">bit.jpg</a></p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
dogy seeking dogy<br/>
Anon has a real dog! 8/10</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
dogy seeking rat<br/>
Can't forget dear rat boy 2/10 and yes you may Anon</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
fuck off seeking 8529<br/>
Not a rat. </p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
chastin seeking knot<br/>
His name is Peter he's got rat ears and rat tail </p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
dogy seeking It's cold out so I'm wearing my pajams!<br/>
He looks like that little Pit bull that wears pajamas &lt;3 &lt;3 &lt;3</p><p>mod<br/>
7704 you are suspended 1 hour for spam</p><p>mod<br/>
mod seeking 7704<br/>
&lt;3 is not a valid rating. &lt;3/10 is overly harsh and could be considered harrassment that said your dogs ears look painful Anon 3/10<br/>
Edit 01:20:53: I meant negative 3 would be overly harsh. Fuck I ruined my own joke sorry 7704.</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
914 seeking spanking from mod<br/>
Mod is out tonight. 10/10 for dogy</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
dogy seeking mod is overly harsh<br/>
I didn't dock her myself I got her that way so I can't control it. She is only 2 colors anyways.</p><p>Anon #8424<br/>
Why is her head so big. 8/10<br/>
<a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/681c0e4fcaaf6f76cd5a4ac5612de8bc/c38179179b1a7e56-a8/s1280x1920/bf0e6ec56cd71d7069bbfd7fe2829d10e7d7882e.png">bit.jpg</a></p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
bi seeking for animals<br/>
You didn't say it was a girl 10/10 for dogy. Is it really called docking not cropping?<br/>
10/10 for owl because I didn't know people actually had those for pets.</p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
same 8529 seeking exotics.<br/>
Your owl looks GNC af 10/10</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
dogy seeking 8529<br/>
I don't know.</p><p>Anon #8424<br/>
Not an owl seeking thanks 2112<br/>
I'm not telling him that because it would go to his head.</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
serious zoophiles only seeking gay animals<br/>
7/10 for giving us a male animal to look at.</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
I got her that way I can't help it! 9/10 very scary looking</p><p>Anon #1220<br/>
He looks wise seeking birdy<br/>
Cool talons 10/10</p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
Seconded seeking wisdom<br/>
It's the eyes for me and the. Eyebrow thingie. 8/10</p><p>Anon #8424<br/>
Fool seeking 1220 7704<br/>
Thanks. He does look serious but he is NOT serious he's a goofball.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Pic 1. A cat on its back and the camera is like, on it's stomach, and it's looking at the camera.<br/>Pic 2. A "rock pet" on a window sill with a cute face drawn on it<br/>Pic 3. An American Bully (?) dog directly referenced from the Moo pajama's pic which 7704 was referencing (see <a href="https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/878/501/71d.png">here</a>)<br/>Pic 4. A brown raptor bird that I drew without looking at a picture, with a big crest/eyebrow and feet hanging off a rail like it's sitting on it's heels/legs.</p><p>I made everything be links because I won't always have pictures, you know? But it looks cool if they're posting links all the time.<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Mads Daddyson</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i stg i keep publishing stuff on accident.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"And that's why daisies show up roses, looks wise." Tony says.

</p><p>"Okay, but what about orchids?" Steve says.

</p><p>"Shit." Anyways, they were having a nice date. Really cool, coming through, this is gonna happen.

</p><p>"Late." Some goth Lannister in mirror sunglasses with leather and gloves and a chunky, shiny man bun intrudes on them. By jumping the little fence into the patio. Now THIS is a lonely fuck trying to cuddle forum users. "311310 or whoever I'm supposed to be."</p><p>"Tony." Steve exclaims. </p><p>"How are we all hot? Go on a normal site with avatars and stuff. Hi Anon, I'm Tony."

</p><p>"Madison James. I'm a boy." I think we'll just call him James, hm?

</p><p>"260 pounds of boy." Tony gets a handful of his arm as an excuse to get him to pull up a chair with them. "That's so funny, actually. James Madison--do you get that a lot? Well here's your competition."

</p><p>"Bichard. Like Rutherford B. Hayes?" Steve says, and Tony giggles and then tries to stop laughing but doesn't.

</p><p>"Bichard. Alright." James smiles. "Bichard, Madison, and Tony."

</p><p>"Stark."

</p><p>"Oh, right." James points at him. "Yeah. You're the guy."

</p><p>"Guilty. And yes, I bribed the mod to pass notes between me and Madison." Tony tells Steve, who stops smiling to squint. "While he was banned, because I thought it would be funny. I did say both of you."

</p><p>"Alright alright. Well you were just being cute." Steve says, and Tony winks at him.

</p><p>"I think it's great." James grins. "So what's your story? You, like, make things."

</p><p>Tony feels a touch more pressure to not be ranting in jargon to James, but James does care about some of it, including U, then they get into cow tipping and then goats milk. "Oh shit, get a drink, come on. What do you want, I'll just go get us another round."

</p><p>"Uhh, vanilla latte." James says, like he forgot sometimes at places you get stuff.

</p><p>"Thanks Tony." Steve says.

</p><p>"So, we're, like competing. Kind of fun." James said.

</p><p>"Yeah." Steve says, and squints at him and his shiny sunglasses, baring his teeth.

</p><p>"Your brain is filling in the details." Bucky waves his hand in front of his face. "I'm probably a wreak under here."

</p><p>"Huh? Bad night?"

</p><p>"Not really. You can't see with the bridge of my glasses, but my nose is just fucked." James says, and cackles when Steve crosses his eyes at him.

</p><p>"Ba ba ba ba da." Tony has their coffee.

</p><p>"You accuse me of being friends with him." James turns his attention back to Tony.</p><p>"We don't know each other, I just talk a lot." Tony says at the same time Steve contradictions him.</p><p>"Okay."

</p><p>"So, we're all buzzing to know if you really have very discerning work, or if you're maybe just Mr. Inheretance."

</p><p>James grimaces at him. "Freelance."

</p><p>"Bichard here works for the CIA." Tony says.

</p><p>"Okay." James says. "Well come and get me."

</p><p>"Finished." Steve carefully rips Tony's portrait out.

</p><p>"Oh <i>wow</i>." James says.

</p><p>"Yeah, he's really good." Tony is smiling too hard to try and match the expression. "Thanks."

</p><p>"It's nice to get sitting in one place." Steve says.

</p><p>"Now you have to one-up him." Tony says.

</p><p>"What? Yeah, sure. Oil paints." James says, and Tony laughs. "Someone teach me oil painting."

</p><p>"I mean, maybe I could try." Steve says.

</p><p>"Second date potential." Tony observes. "Speaking of. Lunch? Eh, eh?"

</p><p>"Sure." James says.

</p><p>"Nope." Steve puts his carnet in his jacket, and weaves through the patio and down the sidewalk.

</p><p>"You want to see my place first?" James says.

</p><p>"Sure."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Man Cave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>why am i obsessed with shellfish....</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Pitbull liker?" Mads says.</p><p>"I'm not a dogperson." Tony says.</p><p>"But, you make a special exception for liddle widdle pitboos." Mads says. "She'll locked up but she might try to break down the door if she thinks you, like, smell interesting I don't know how dogs work. What the fuck is up with moles they don't have eyes or just have really small eyes?"</p><p>"Um." Tony says. "Yeah it's fine. Don't people put dogs in crates. OH you're the dog guy yeah."</p><p>"I don't think dogs actually like being in cages. What I'm saying is I want to check on her. That's cool? Or we could have dinner I guess or do it next week."</p><p>"I don't know about dinner." Tony says. He is going to have to talk to Steve, probably. Why isn't he here right now. He is probably mad.</p><p>They get a ride, because taxis are weird. Or maybe they walked I hate New York. "We spent the whole time interrogating you. Did you hear about the lobster archeologist."

</p><p>"I shot a lobster once. I was sitting in a swamp and I was bored and I totally wasn't drinking so I was just sitting there with my gun and my dick and I was watching a lobster. I was really thinking. Crabs are just spiders but cool."

</p><p>"Crabs only have six legs. Or ten legs." Tony said. "Crabs do not have 8 legs."

</p><p>"Whatever! They're round. What's the lobster psychologist?"

</p><p>That made Tony laugh. "Archeologist. Well there was a ruins and people only found it because a lobster was there throwing tiles around, like, get all this shit out of my bedroom, throwing them over its shoulder." And that made James laugh.

</p><p>"What's your poison?" James said in his cool minimalist apartment after he visited his dog in her room and sweet talked her. Good girl, and all that, and Tony just stood around on the other side of the door. Anyways it was an extremely cute place except the kitchen smelled like rotting flowers, however, and there were wilting flowers in a vase on the counter. The living room was nice. Sorry, it's rude to notice the flowers. We will just not notice anything else.

</p><p>"I'm realizing more and more that I am the last person you guys were looking for. I don't have a poison anymore."

</p><p>"I wasn't looking for anything. I think you're just swell." Madison said. Red alert, this guy says swell. Almost like every character in this story has the exact same voice... Steve's voice... Ah, whatever, too bad, that's totally impossible.

</p><p>"Thanks." Tony said. "That's a cool looking couch."

</p><p>"Yeah, thanks. Oh here I'll give you a tour of my great apartment. This is the living room, that's the kitchen." Bucky said, leading them into the bedroom. "Bedroom, bathroom." And the bathroom woofed. The bedroom was impressively dark for being pre-designed by some architect to have a big window. Bucky hit the light and leapt to the bed and his jacket gathered up at his shoulders, it didn't have much give but he had his arms behind his head. "I dunno, I might have multiple bedrooms."

</p><p>"It's nice."

</p><p>"Thanks." Bucky said, smiling. "Anyways, not to start some drama or anything, but, hi." He took off his sunglasses. Bucky Barnes, legendary HYDRA assassin. I'll get back to you, there is just a lot happening right now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay the last sentence is like Tony saying that but also I'll get back to you but updates scarce. Lame. Love you! Sub to get notified when it comes back.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Bed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry we're doing/avoiding the dead parents thing I'm sure I'm putting everybody out equally.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony sat down on the bed and Bucky sat up. "I dunno. It feels like I'm the only person in the world with a complicated relationship to my parents. Had, I mean. Heh." Heh is a kind onomatopoeia for that sound. "I mean when people talk about it. They're just talking, probably most people feel it. No one admits it. Not the way it really feels. Fuck."</p><p>"Parents themselves. All parents have is what you say and what you how you act."</p><p>"Don't try to change the subject you little fucker you don't know what you're going to bat for." Tony said, nonchallant despite the vocabulary. Bucky just probably didn't know, and Tony wasn't gonna tell him. No point in it now, baby! "Fuck the cycle of abuse."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Yeah." Tony smiled and shook his head. "Anyways, I don't have time to spend all day spiraling."</p><p>"Saven ablar español?"</p><p>"No time for that Goku." Tony said and they both grinned. "I mean I'm not rushing."</p><p>"Oh, I'm not waiting for anything either." Bucky said. "Okay anyways pretend I'm a mysterious stranger, I wanted you to know for when you fall in love with me."</p><p>"I'm a love at first sight kind of guy, you cad."</p><p>"Oh if you want a cad, you'll get a cad." Bucky moved fluidly to Tony's edge of the bed and loomed over him, on his knees. And they kissed on the first date! So scandalous.

</p><p>"Are you rushing now? I know a cowboy bar with good patty melts."</p><p>"Oh yeah sure." You know if a bar only has one good sandwich it's a good bar.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Bar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Don't Read This Chapter it's just Bucky talking about the Winter Soldier eating food and Tony being like and then what happened!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I only go to like 3 places." Bucky said.</p><p>"Stop making me prejudiced against your stupid bar." Tony said.</p><p>"It's the only three places you'll ever want to go." Bucky said, playing with his seat belt.</p><p>Okay, so I don't know how it feels to have everything filtered through the gay incels website, I hope you weren't thinking 'ooh cowboys,' the taxi just took them to the corner of town where everything was cowboys, so it was just a bar. It was a wateringhole for Vietnam vets who don't text each other and just all end up at the same place, all knowing each other. Like, how didn't Tony know about this place! Okay wait no it is a cowboy bar, the bar tender has nice boots. It was big and empty, pool tables and a dance floor take up more space than you think when it's daytime. Or you end up stabbing people with the end of your pool cue. There were posters on every vertical surface. "Oh yeahh, I like this place." Tony said, and Bucky smiled.</p><p>"What's the coolest thing that happened to you?" Tony said.</p><p>"I picked up a guy in my boss's car once." Bucky mused. "He had a car."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"Mysterious stranger." Bucky reminded Tony, because what he'd been asking is, come on Winter Soldier didn't anything INTERESTING happen to you? "Um, well a lot of times I would end up in the wrong place. I don't remember who was in charge of me, but he stayed on way too--oh--wait nevermind that's not a good story. So I got to pick up on that once and I thought enough and I was at one of those places you know? And I fuckin sat down and said I wanted the usual and got these peel and eat shrimp and a soda. The soda was a lot, you know it was cold and carbonated and sweet, you know when you're really thirsty? Hey." Bucky toasted their half-empty cups and Tony rolled his eyes but he was smiling. "Had a little conversation with the line-chef guy because you know I wasn't a sore thumb or anything, but you're not supposed to not know what to order. I was in a hurry though."</p><p>"Now, would you ever eat peel and eat shrimp again."</p><p>"Fuck no, oh fuck no that was the worst thing I could have eaten. It was already all salt and spice. Like, I could handle Old fucking Bay now that I have a pallet. Lost my pallet in the war." Very funny. "I swear I was crying while I was eating them."</p><p>"Oh, Steve's calling, gimme a sec." Tony said and started pacing around. "Hey, he wants lunch now too."</p><p>"Sure. Hey. You're not dying for some fish soup now, are you?"</p><p>"Eh, let's get a patty melt and dip it in."</p><p>"Say, who's Steve?"</p><p>"Funny."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. We Love Mads</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I forgot the point of me in the narrative and I took a walk and had a little character reset." Steve didn't say that but he was here and he still looked cute and they'd just ordered another soup because if they didn't eat fast the cheese would have un-melted.</p><p>"You're the guy that started all this." Tony said, and Steve smiled all modest.

</p><p>"Have a little character reset is what they'd say when they put me in the chair." Bucky didn't say, like a smartass.</p><p>"Oh Madison. So funny." Tony said.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah." Bucky realized. Steve was making a face because Mads wouldn't know it, but, you see, Steve had a friend, who would probably not appreciate that joke! "Fumes at work. Lungs like a frog. The bigger they are, the more they spend too much time with the materials. This nasty picky pleather chair for light-headed people. But I get more done in there longer. I'd wake up asking is it 5 o'clock yet? No it's only 10 AM."</p><p>"Aw!" Steve laughed.</p><p>"What materials?" Tony said. "I work with a lot of heavy stuff, too. Why didn't they give you a mask, I think OSHA was founded right after WW2 so I can't see why they wouldn't give you a mask. By the way, you two, you're not weekends with Mori and you're not weekends with Yori. I'm probably like 5 years old than you."</p><p>"For the last time." Steve LOVES the age debate. He ALWAYS falls for it. Bucky looks like he's about to auspice and Tony's gonna let him, because they do this routine so much it's not very exciting, it's not as exciting for Mads or anyone else, it' not as exciting as teasing Mads. And frankly it makes Tony feel like he's got a watch around his neck.

</p><p>"Oh, yeah well buddy if you think people don't cut costs like that you're... lying." Bucky said. "Also, I'm probably older than you."

</p><p>"That's just my skincare routine. I'm flattered. Still illegal. I'm not really sure what you're arguing for here." You know what else is an old routine? Union shit. 

</p><p>"So what do you do for a living, Madison." Steve said.

</p><p>"Oh, well, I'm in the CIA now."

</p><p>"Ah. FBI. Sworn enemies." Steve said, and Bucky smiled.

</p><p>"I don't know about that. I'm actually witness protection." Bucky said, and then the car of his mind went over a patch of ice. "I protect witnesses. Freelance. Not technically your enemy."

</p><p>"You can say that again." Tony said. "Are you really FBI, that doesn't seem like your cup of tea. You like seeing husband-killers sweating in those cold cold rooms?"

</p><p>"What the hell, Tony. Shut up." Steve said. "I'm the guy from Twin Peaks."

</p><p>"Yeah, that's what I said to the husband-killer." Tony said, and Bucky laughed.

</p><p>"Shut up. I was going to say, that this town, is very strange there's some very strange folks in this town. Just so strange."

</p><p>"Natasha and you?" Tony said. "Oh, you know who I am in the FBI?"

</p><p>"The guy that harrasses the suspects all day and makes everything difficult?" Steve says.

</p><p>"I'm that guy from Iron Giant."

</p><p>"The one with the little beard and the coffee cup. I see it." Steve said.

</p><p>"No, the guy that shits himself, the agent! Forget you. Oh, we gotta make Bucky watch that."

</p><p>"Yeah, sure. I wanna see your dumb tower, too."

</p><p>"I'm not letting you in if you're gonna call it dumb." Tony said.

</p><p>"Actually I hate WW2 I just have a kinship with guys named stupid names. That tower thing looks like a dumb upsidedown shark." Bucky said.

</p><p>"I'm gonna throw you off the top." Tony said.

</p><p>"One of your suits is gonna see me and come get me."

</p><p>"Damn, Jarvis totally would."

</p><p>"Yay, cartoon violence." Steve said. "Hey wait a minute. Tony just called you Bucky."

</p><p>"I did not I said we should catch Bucky and let him watch Iron Giant and Mads said he wants to see the tower. We're talking about experiences. I want to see the Haga Sophia."

</p><p>"I think you're gonna see the Hage." Bucky said, not helping Tony at all to cover his mistake. "They called me Bucky as a kid because, well, I'm younger than I look. You know autocorrect?" Still nothing to help Tony because that makes less sense. Just say you're monopolizing the conversation and go!

</p><p>"Yes." Steve was always proud to know things.

</p><p>"Buckyballs these nuts."

</p><p>"That doesn't explain!" Steve said.

</p><p>"And this hog!" Bucky said.

</p><p>"That's not how you pronounce Hage." Tony said.

</p><p>"Well then if someone could tell me how to pronounce the Hage I would like to hear it but I think Hage is funny."

</p><p>"That's where that guy that fucked the dead pig mouth went." Tony said. "Sorry I don't remember and I don't want to say the wrong name. Um. Too gross?"

</p><p>"That's like 10 years old at this point, yeah, get new material." Bucky said.

</p><p>"Do you like sports?" Steve said.

</p><p>"I'm not caught up with sports. Dodgers." Bucky said.

</p><p>"I actually prefer the Chargers." Steve said.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did you know? The HQ of the Chargers is the Hoag?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Movie Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Steve thinks he has a narrative purpose and then he gets there and doesn't do anything. That was Bucky's narrative purpose when he was in cryo. Maybe Steve thinks he's the narrator.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>So, they all went home. I mean, they gave Mads to his doorman and then they went home. And they ended up parting ways. Tony made some phone calls or whatever he does all day, drawing up schematics. If he was smart he would be taking a call from Fury to set up some dumb mission.</p><p>"Oh, oh, oh, I have crazy news." Tony said. </p><p>"What." Fury said.</p><p>"Uh." Tony looked at his notes. Barnes and Stark sound good together. Bonds, Stock, and Rogers. Well the news is not about Rogers. It is about Barnes. "Well, I'm not inclined to break confidence."</p><p>"What? Why'd you bring it up?"</p><p>"Just to Scheherazade you. Call me back tomorrow night."</p><p>Fury sighed.</p><p>Okay, so here's the new invention. We're gonna make people open their downstairs windows again! People deserve to let some of the good night air in their nurseries. All night, and not lose a wink of sleep. Oh boy! So obviously, there's the old baseball-bat in the gutter trick people can do for slider doors, and there's the bars-on-the-window for those really old buildings people don't really want to live in. But those are extremely un-sexy in a market made up of sconces and dressers, swarovski crystals and Martha Stewart flower wreaths. So here it is, a baseball bat that fits in small windows and sliders alike, that not only goes with your interior design but can be a centerpiece. "Oh Steve, come on in."</p><p>"Whatcha doing?"</p><p>"I'm gonna put bars on everybody's windows."</p><p>"No you're not. That's stupid." Steve said. "I came in here to say I'm not mad, don't do philosophy on me."</p><p>Tony laughed. God Steve knew him too well, him and his ruminating brain. "You can debate people without losing your dumb temper, you know."</p><p>"Not when you're just being a jerk for no reason."</p><p>"Especially when people are being a jerk for the express reason of getting on your nerves."</p><p>"Well stop it then." </p><p>"I'm not mad either. I'm gonna mute you on Twitter for a week, though."</p><p>"Yeah. I'd read the letters in your letterbox."</p><p>"Is that all? I know; you love my taste in movies. I'm like half the things on your list."</p><p>"Yeah, maybe." Steve smiled.</p><p>"Hey, do you want to watch something?" Tony said, and Steve did the math about the 3 hour chunk of his evening, or night or whatever, schedule. It was usually no. </p><p>"Mm, sure, like what."</p><p>"Justice League baby! I'm kidding. You know, I kind of get Raya now because I'm not watching Justice League without getting all of you in one room and for some reason that means I would pay $30 for no real reason. I mean, like, I get it."</p><p>"Oh, we could try. Thor and Bruce are here I think. I don't know if Natasha's around."</p><p>"4 hours long." </p><p>Steve made a face. "Oh. What about Aquaman that's a bit shorter."</p><p>"Okay, yeah I like Aquaman. I should text that guy. See you in 15?"</p><p>"Sure." Steve said. </p><p>During that time, Tony remembered worrying that they were on a precipice at the cafe, and then forgot it again when he sat with Steve. And I don't think it would have mattered that it wasn't 4 hours long, because um he might have fallen asleep during the movie maybe Aquaman is lame?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is this completely illegible? 🥺👉👈  Oh my god don't answer that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. From the Logs : Horse Art</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I drew Steve's horse it should be more realistic probably for the style i think but i can only do "airbrushed on your plane/car" style today and didn't want to bring someone else into this. speaking of this fic's unbeta'd if anyone is interested</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Manhattan 💋 Meets<br/>
Selected Messages </p><p>Anon 7704<br/>
Horse YCH's seeking clients<br/>
<a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/171793bc3255c2eb02ebf574ff91d549/7f048ff4b888fab1-8e/s640x960/d26c0b9f165b2df9320096ff9ec92eaa12995ed2.png">bit.jpg</a> MFW this is not your character. (YHH means Your Horse Here it means I show you the sketch before you pay me to paint it on my Tablet and that's My Little Pony. It's not a big deal but I feel like a bigger sell-out than when I did logo design for companies)</p><p>Mod<br/>
Mod seeking 7704<br/>
Anon #7704 you are suspended 30 minutes for "My Little Pony"</p><p>Anon 4192<br/>
That's gorgeous seeking horse<br/>
Next week anon will show us real MLP fanart. Like with the big eyes</p><p>Mod<br/>
Mod seeking 4192<br/>
Anon #4192 you are suspended 30 minutes for "MLP"</p><p>Anon 2112<br/>
COOL BAIT ANON seeking but you fell for it
I am cackling. Worth it though it's pretty

</p><p>Anon 914<br/>
I like seriously don't get artists seeking ?<br/>
How much did that cost. It's their money. Why is drawing brony shit worse to you than business freelance </p><p>Anon 2112<br/>
Well seeking artists<br/>
Can't say no to a job or people think your bad at it</p><p>Anon 10311<br/>
Rainbow Dash seeking horse 👋 🐴<br/>
🥺 /postive</p><p>Mod<br/>
Mod seeking 10311<br/>
Anon #10311 you are suspended 30 minutes for "Rainbow Dash"</p><p>Anon 2112<br/>
Should we like seeking change the subject<br/>
I do think they are cute. We can't keep getting suspended or will just be the selfies and new people mad we're talking about our dayjobs on a meetup site.

</p><p>Mod<br/>
Mod seeking 2112<br/>
Anon #2112 you are suspended 30 minutes for "they"</p><p>Anon 7704<br/>
Horse YCH's seeking absolutely not<br/>
I'm a one trick pony. And tht trick is realism and carcoal I'm not drawing the little cartoons anon. 914 We're comic book characters and you want me drawing geometric shapes for newspaper ads? Are you dense that is not art that is a cheap advertisement. 31011 I will draw you one but can't it be a horse like a real horse? Real horses can be butch or whatever horses have a lot of soul and personality.</p><p>Anon 914<br/>
Comics were literally also ads? Seeking fake fan<br/>
Um they literally made characters like Deadpool to sell pouches? And the inner back cover and like masculinity as a hole? Is that all you do is dr horses and take pictures?</p><p>Anon 3880<br/>
Hole seeking hole<br/>
Hole<br/>
Edit 16:10:49 : Good on the lesbian horses!! I want one</p><p>Anon 7704<br/>
Yes all art has a message? yes seeking hole<br/>
Hole</p><p>Anon 10311<br/>
No 🐰 seeking horse<br/>
Go to horse owners Hoboken I don't know any horses.</p><p>Anon 914<br/>
Argumense seeking I see<br/>
So buy my product I'm a logo isn't a message? What does your normal art say<br/>
[These continued arguing for about 8000 words when 7704 answered with a circular argument in a deceptively long paragraph]</p><p>Anon 7704<br/>
You don't keep it in your house seeking stupid<br/>
You can have a horse. There's stables. You can make up a horse</p><p>Anon 10311<br/>
Your business model is shit seeking horse<br/>
I could draw a made up horse. My boyfriend can draw I'll just made him do it.</p><p>Anon 8529<br/>
Bad business model OP seeking what even is a YCH<br/>
What he just makes up a horse and you guess it from what he says? Are you a hive mind?</p><p>Anon 2112<br/>
Bragging seeking bad at pr<br/>
Why are you being so mean anon,<br/>
Edit 16:55:03 : ?</p><p>Anon 7704<br/>
Sorry seeking you guys<br/>
I did mean it in a rude way but I didn't think you guys would choose sides</p><p>Anon 8529<br/>
Jynx seeking 10311<br/>
Jinx</p><p>Anon 2112<br/>
😆 seeking apologize to him op<br/>
Not us</p><p>Anon 10311<br/>
Hehe seeking 8529<br/>
You ow me a soda at the soda hop mr candy man also yeah apologize OP </p><p>Anon 7704<br/>
😘 seeking 10311<br/>
Give me your # I will cashspp you horse-buying-funds so no one will yell at you about making up a horse</p><p>Anon 956<br/>
Non fungible horse seeking NFH<br/>
Non fungible horse</p><p>Anon 8529<br/>
[started another long argument (7704 took the bait of course) about the environment]</p><p>Anon 3880<br/>
I used to LOVE Grimes seeking :(</p><p>Anon 10311<br/>
Basic seeking 3880<br/>
:[</p><p>Anon 3880<br/>
Popular means liked by many means good seeking 10311 mean to me<br/>
🥺 /anime eyes with highlights wobbling as tears well</p><p>Anon 914<br/>
No it doesn't seeking 3880<br/>
Also she isn't that popular </p><p>Anon 7704<br/>
Explain Dryrs Ice Cream seeking 3880<br/>
Popular means accessible not good. It almost never means good. Hence the MLP</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Open Face Turkey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony woke up for a moment when Steve got up at his ungodly early hour, and actually it was pretty sweet how he stayed all night.
</p><p>"Morning, sunshine." Steve was in the kitchen when Tony got up for a spot of tea.</p><p>"Whatever. You wanna talk about yesterday?" Tony put two breads in the toaster. And no, no one was sitting around with coffee and a grapefruit.

</p><p>"Yeah so I meant to keep it separate."</p><p>"Oh, do you not like Mads? Do you think he's trying too hard? Well I can appreciate that. I don't want us separate." Hey bitch. Get back on-message.</p><p>"He's weird. He thinks he's still anon."</p><p>"You just don't know him as well as you know me." Tony says, and Steve gives him a thoughtful hmm. "I really think you'll like him." Tony says, and Steve makes a face like he's suddenly decided resolutely to not like him. "Fine, keep us seperate." The toast pops, and Tony takes Steve's hand when he reaches for it. "I had a great day yesterday. You know I'd say yes to anything if I think I'd like it, including anonymous dating. I'd say yes to a second date with you." Oh fuck we are dying in the water.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"Hey. If you were trying to be a sugar daddy or something, and you keep trying and do it wrong, I'll have to kill you." Tony says, and Steve laughs.</p><p>"Good." Steve says. "Did you know Mads? You keep calling him Mads."</p><p>"I've heard of him." That is, like, more of a lie than just saying no. HEY BUCKY, WHY'D YOU DO THIS TO TONY.</p><p>"Oh!" Steve was relieved.</p><p>"He's a good guy. He's a charmer. He's a cad. He's a hustler. He's a hero. He's alive. He's dead. He left his heart in Paris. He left his," Arm hehe, "Stomach in a seaside shrimp shack. He still has his liver."</p><p>"None of that means anything." Steve said.</p><p>"He's a secretive guy, come on."</p><p>"Well I agree with that."</p><p>"He took me to this bar, every poster was either about drinking or veterans." Actually, every time the door opened, they would both glance over and see the 'unknown soldier, gone but not forgotten' poster right over the door. So, that's where Bucky's at. "He was sober when I was sober, I think, well coke is coke but you know what I mean? He took me out to wine and dine me for business shit once and we ended up talking about Peggy Carter." Tony can lie, see, because Bucky would totally go along with this and when he finally introduces himself to Steve, it will be a moment to laugh.</p><p>"Really?" </p><p>"He may be CIA, but he thinks Shield is nifty. He's a fanboy." We are all, simps.</p><p>"Aw."</p><p>"Anyways, keep us apart, he's not my supplier anymore, though." Yeah, Tony would be so averse to sleeping with a business liason. They call it liason and you're not supposed to take them out? What is the point of ANY of this business shit?</p><p>"Alright, well, I can't stop you either." Steve says, and kisses him, light and barely making contact, so Tony kisses back. It's hard to know how long he's been dreaming of this, it's kind of hard to think or do that math. And yes there still was not anyone in here Tony may have made Steve toast to go with his lunch. He can just stay up late to make up for it, it's fine.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>honestly if i was steve i would be like "oh he's a cad and a charmer and a hero and alive and dead, huh?" because like he knows bucky is out there somewhere. like hello! the thing is im gonna forget half of this so when bucky takes off the glasses steve is gonna forget to tease tony about how nice that was.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Call</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mads Mikkelson... is not pronounced like Madisons Jameses? Sorry</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Sir, Sargent Barnes is calling. Also please eat dinner or go to bed." Jarvis said.</p><p>"Well, if I eat before bed I'll dream and that means waking up a lot, but if I try to go to bed hungry, I'll be awake all night in bed. So." Tony answered. "Hey babe."</p><p>"Hey, Tony. Nevermind, sorry for calling."</p><p>"No, I'm still up. Goofing off on the computer." Yes he is working yes if he wanted to sleep he would sleep--oh fuck what did he just do to his hologram. Why did he even HAVE a macro assigned to three-finger-tap. "Yeah."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Taking your doggy for a walk?"</p><p>"Do you hear any sirens or honking? No, I'm just. Organizing my bookcase..."</p><p>"One of those nights. I do that."</p><p>"Doing it right now." Jarvis grumbled.</p><p>"Hello? Jarvis you scared him off! I'm kidding I know he didn't hear you. Fine, I'll at least have something easy to make." Poptart. He took it to the elevator and stood in the shop telling himself to ctrl-S everything and go to bed.

</p><p>"Sir, Barnes is a quarter block out."

</p><p>"Don't tease me." Tony just went up to the penthouse and tried to fix his hair like some kind of homecoming date.

</p><p>"Can you tell him to just let me sneak in it's like the only cool thing I have left besides knife tricks."

</p><p>"You're plenty cool." Tony said. This dude had combat boots and some Life Is Good tee shirt about being a duck on a diving board. "Were you trying to tell me something?"

</p><p>"No, just feeling stupid."

</p><p>"I'm not that good at making people feel smart, it's like my one weakness."

</p><p>"Out of place I guess."

</p><p>Wow, and he comes to Tony? "Oh, yeah, you should live here! Everybody lives here. You can't get more central than this!"

</p><p>"Hm." Barnes looks creepy when he's being thoughtful with his brow drawn and eyes flicking.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Periwinkle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm about to tag this as winteriron since there is so much winteriron.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He came over and sat with Tony on the couch, and Tony looked at him and got him to scootch closer. Tony put his arm around him and he sighs and leans into it. "How was your day?"</p><p>"Oh, pretty good, what about you." Tony said.</p><p>"Nothing." Oh he did things, he just doesn't want to talk.</p><p>"You know the 6 theories of the origin of language?"</p><p>"La-la," Yep, it's really named that, "Twinky-winky," No, "Po," OH fuck he got us, "Uh, the red one,"</p><p>"Alright you." Tony said, and Bucky smiled to himself. I bet he missed that. It's hard being funny but not having any good audience. Plus you get butt-ugly suits. "Anyways, we're literally banned from talking about it. the Paris committee of shut the hell up said so in the 1800's."</p><p>"What. Why'd you bring it up?" Bucky demanded, grinning.</p><p>"I also didn't do that much interesting today."</p><p>"Hmm." Bucky puts his face on Tony's shoulder.</p><p>"Come on. Shoes. Pants. Get comfy."</p><p>"Did you know that I'm a freelance witness protector?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Well I am and if you ever want to go behind SHIELD's back to protect a witness, you know who to call. Madison James." Bucky said. "Is that really who you work for is SHIELD?"</p><p>"I don't know. I always figured superheros could just do whatever they want. Okay well let's not talk politics." Tony said.</p><p>"Please." Bucky agreed.</p><p>"But yeah, I'll put you on the list." Tony said, hopping into bed with this weirdo supersoldier wearing briefs and a shirt about being a duck on a diving board. Boing? "What's your shirt mean?"</p><p>"I don't know, I just found it. I like the."</p><p>"Like the what?" Tony feels the corner of the sleeve. Average. Dare I say bad, texture-wise. It was trying to be soft, it was just old. Or trying to be old but not more than 20 years.</p><p>"Nevermind. The color scheme."</p><p>Mottled gray navy. "Yeah, pretty nice. We need to get you a shopper."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>Tony snaked his hand under it, and Bucky flexed his stomach under Tony's roving fingers. Tony glanced at him and he bit his lip. "Let's get this off you. I can get you a softer one. You don't have any weird HYDRA hangups about stuff do you?"

</p><p>"Softer." Bucky tsked like it was impossible, sitting up and pulling it over his head. Tony leaned his head on his shoulder and elbow to watch Bucky's shoulders and back move. "How am I supposed to know all the stuff that goes on in my mind."

</p><p>"Alright, well, keep me updated. Yeah softer. Here, feel mine, see." Tony said, and Bucky slid his fingertips slowly down Tony's side and paused at the hem of it. Tony shucked it and flung it onto Bucky's and kissed him. God how do they get these guys so huge and sexy. Bucky kneaded Tony's ass and Tony had his hands all over Bucky's back and chest. There's a bruise that Tony avoided. Tony bit and sucked on the rise of Bucky's right shoulder and he gasped. He pulled them back to lay down, one hand on Tony's elbow, and kissed him some more.

</p><p>"Oh no Jesus is this cheating?" Tony complained. Fuck polyamory for not being easier than monogamy am I right?</p><p>"Who--oh. Are you taking all that seriously?" Bucky would know about Steve, right? Is Steve's secretly frivolous? "Just ignore me, I was just bothering him." He's thinking but it's way funnier this time. I think that yes this is all Bucky's fault. I think Tony could probably do whatever with Mads--Tony should totally make a floor for Mads and Steve with leather lounges and a canopy bed--but having Bucky right above Steve's nose is probably gonna be the thing that matters. Steve's simply not going to find out about this.</p><p>"You should tell Steve, though. That you're here."</p><p>"I dunno." Bucky said to himself lost in thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Doge Coin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorryyyyyyy this was before SNL. I shouldn't have written this I'm already mad.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony woke up at 4 so what was the point of even going to sleep, hmm? He rolled over to throw an arm over Bucky to keep him warm.</p><p>Bucky was awake. "I should go." Then go! "I don't leave her that long."</p><p>"Oh yeah?" It's kind of cute that the Winter Soldier had a pet dog.</p><p>Bucky looked a little bashful before he snuck out.</p><p>"Don't let Steve catch you when he rises with the sun." Tony teased.</p><p>"He doesn't get up for another 40 minutes."</p><p>Oh, Bucky knew that, of course he would know that very specific fact. </p><p>Tony sighed and rolled onto his back. "Morning Jarvis."</p><p>"Good morning sir."</p><p>"Can you send my cloths guys an email when it's convenient to them? It's gonna say we need some new stuff to wherever Bucky lives, he's cool, he's dark, dog person, long hair, tall, did you eyeball some measurements for him?, uh simple, blends in on the street but under a layer or two he's kind of cute and novel, just got back from Vietnam--just got back from Afghanistan--we need to show off the muscles. I want a matched set of henly guys." Fuuuck they need new suits please pleasae. Then Tony got distracted and started a fight on Manhattan Meets (turn the page) on his phone. "Tell them. Tell them he's afraid to look like he's 20 and just moved here. Even though he literally just moved here."</p><p>"It would be faster to read if I mentioned what age he IS if he's not 20."</p><p>"Why are you so mean to me. Make him 35. Just enough clothes to where he could just throw them out the window if he decides he gets the joke. But stylish, let's start over they don't need to know all of that. I just don't want him to feel naked or something. And they need to get him some of that dusty blue." We're gonna make this dude love American and capitalism by giving one hundred blue shirts.</p><p>"Yes sir."</p><p>"How are the numbers."</p><p>"Doge coin is up, sir, 5 cents."</p><p>"Fucking never going to break a dollar what a waste of time." Why can't people simp TONY'S stupid memes. What The? coin is worth 55800 dollars. "How's the other numbers?"</p><p>"The samples have dropped to 72 after hitting 78 around 2:30am."</p><p>"They're going fine." Tony fell back to sleep.</p><p>---</p><p>"Bucky wants to come in the workshop, by the way, sir." Jarvis said after Tony'd showered.</p><p>"Oh perfect, tell him to get some coffee so I can clean up a little around there."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. From the Logs : Hipsters and Dinner</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>experimenting with making all the M*M posts need a "seeking" AND an image. it would make sense for a dating site/fourchan joke but it seems annoying. anyways here is an extention to make the images pop up if you hover over them on desktop https://www.reddit.com/r/imagus/. Not all the bit.jpg's have links for you but they all have image descriptions ;)<br/></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Manhattan [Kiss Emoji] Meets<br/>
Selected messages</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
williamsberg seeking masc<br/>
<a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/50aac2a9b5278e7e51edd3a6fc60973d/b5d61d86d2c5d053-b7/s640x960/e8e22ea427a65adffad9c24c7f8425cfc7fa79ad.jpg">bit.jpg</a> [ID: hipster with a lot of clashing clothing items/]<br/>
hit me up

</p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
gl seeking that jacket<br/>
<a href="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/En8UzS6VQAAvSu1.jpg">bit.jpb </a>[ID: among us drip meme with a fortnite watermark/]<br/>
drip

</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
that's not even you seeking 11311<br/>
<a href="https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/480/280/138.jpg">bit.jpg</a> [ID: jamie lee curtis drinking water angry meme]<br/>
disrespectful

</p><p>--

</p><p>Manhattan [Kiss Emoji] Meets<br/>
Selected messages "What's M*M cooking?"</p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
cook seeking kiss<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: Steve selfie in a Pink Floyd apron with a pot and no head/]<br/>
What's M*M cooking?</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
i can't cook seeking feed me<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: Blini cat meme/]<br/>
insane im just over here burning my spatula</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
Take out seeking pics<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: white styrofoam box with blur/]<br/>
Nobody cooks for themself on here anon. Nice try, but that is scrambled eggs AKA no real cooking. I'm at work right now.</p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
2112 seeking duh<br/>
bit.mp4 [Vid: some cookie monster YTP/]<br/>
I'm just eating my cookies. Yeah pretty much. It's probably not even scrambled eggs you're gonna burn your chest. You need to wear a shirt.</p><p>mod<br/>
2112 you are suspended 1 hour for spam</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
eyes emoji seeking scrambled eggs literally is cooking BTW
bit.jpg [ID: Tony swatting himself with a spatula]
pics of WHAT I don't have anything

</p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
okay wow seeking well...<br/>
<a href="https://media0.giphy.com/media/42wQXwITfQbDGKqUP7/giphy.gifv">bit.jpg</a> [ID: detective pikachu with a magnifying glass]<br/>
Well you caught me I hadn't even started yet when I took it. But I thought it was cute a cute idea. 

</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
cook seeking cook<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: gordon ramsay]<br/>
I'll say. We met up by the way AMA. I'm the one cooking I'm cutting vegetables while everyone else is being attention seeking online.

</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
!!! seeking truel love<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: a Jotchua meme/] Did you kill him?

</p><p>Anon #11310<br/>
cook seeking cook<br/>
<a href="https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/hoteltransylvania/images/e/ec/Hotel_Lady.jpg/revision/latest/top-crop/width/360/height/450?cb=20120918232213">bit.jpg</a> [ID: the gremlin from Hotel Transylvia that says I didn't do that!] Yeah

</p><p>mod<br/>
11310 you are suspended 1 hour for breaking rules

</p><p>mod<br/>
mod (I'm kidding) seeking 11310<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: the no fun allowed robot meme/]<br/>
No impersonation, this is anonymous forum for a reason

</p><p>Anon #8529<br/>
8529 seeking mod<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: the all alone on a Friday night pathetic sonic meme/]<br/>
We know you're kidding. It's annoying when it takes you two messages and 59 minutes to do your joke though. Also why is it an anonymous forum in the first place. Go OUTSIDE and MEET MANHATTAN

</p><p>mod<br/>
8529 you are suspended 90 minutes for spam

</p><p>Anon #914<br/>
megalomod seeking seriously<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: "sigh" in big impact font] Okay so two of them can't talk. Anyways did he kill you anon?

</p><p>Anon #7704<br/>
it's boring if i have to seeking tell it<br/>
<a href="https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/08/4a/5a/ee/sandbar-beach-cafe.jpg">bit.jpg</a>[ID: a generic beach patio restaurant/]<br/>
We went to the beach.


</p><p>---</p><p>Manhatten [Kiss Emoji] Meets<br/>
Selected Messages "Mods Help"</p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
help help seeking help<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: Anime catgirl who spilled her juice]<br/>
I spil my jice mod help help help help help</p><p>mod<br/>
mod seeking 2112<br/>
<a href="https://st2.depositphotos.com/1177973/7343/i/950/depositphotos_73435133-stock-photo-glass-of-orange-juice-and.jpg">bit.jpg</a>[ID: glass of orange juice on a table with oranges and a tree in the background]</p><p>Anon #2112<br/>
weak mod out of character im gonna suck your dick seeking thanks<br/>
bit.jpg [ID: kitten being pet] </p><p>mod<br/>
2112 you are suspended 30 minutes for spam</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Magnets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What's up buttercup?" Tony let him in, grabbing both of his hands and making him smile.</p>
<p>"Nothing." Bucky had a gray tank-top with Master Cheif's silhouette on it, which was just too much.</p>
<p>"You trying--Jarvis you know the drill--to spend a day playing VR?"</p>
<p>"What do you do with VR?"</p>
<p>"Play SUPERHOT. And we could probably figure out table-tennis. And when I need to get schematics in the room."</p>
<p>"Really."</p>
<p>"Yeah, course. Do you ever do anything fun with VR?"</p>
<p>"Nope."</p>
<p>"You trying to let me look at your arm?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, look at this freckle. Also, it's whining a lot."</p>
<p>"This arm is whining? Can't help you! Not! That kind of doctor. Come and sit here."</p>
<p>So first of all it's gorgeous so just remember that. It's shiny, probably could be a lot shinier. Tony strokes up and down Bucky's forearm. They looked at each other.</p>
<p>"Yes." Bucky said. Yes, he could feel that.</p>
<p>"It's funny because it's you. You can't feel the insides, right?" Tony moves his hand along Bucky's arm like he's a magician proving there's no hidden strings. "What about that?" He said, and Bucky gave him a bored look. "Oh yeah?" Tony grazed over his other arm and he shivered. Yeah, see? We're gonna put fuckin magnetic arm hair on this thing. Stupid oversight to give him a hand but nothing else, huh! </p>
<p>"What's SUPERHOT explain." Bucky demanded while Tony tried to figure out how to get inside him.</p>
<p>"Yeah, so, have you ever seen Hunger Games?"</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>"But, it just, like, well I don't remember it well enough, but there were wolves there and they ran away. Like what's all that about."</p>
<p>"Well they're his friends."</p>
<p>"But..."</p>
<p>"Not like the mutts in Hunger Games. Like, the game reads your mind or something, right? The wolves ARE literally his friends."</p>
<p>"Okay whatever, well, those two are really good at actually letting you go out of bounds."

</p><p>"Ow." Bucky recited.</p>
<p>"Thanks." The actually getting him to admit when Tony was fucking up had been a moment, and it wasn't even like Bucky was the one fucking up by feeling pain or whatever insane thing he'd internalized in HYDRA.</p>
<p>"You can go out of bounds in real life, too. If you want to see the woods, just drive me to West Virginia."</p>
<p>"Sir, Steve is leaving to search for James or Bucky or whoever."</p>
<p>"Tell him to try the Shenandoah. I'm busy. I'm busy." Tony said. "Anyways, yeah. Don't get me started on Divergent."

</p><p>"Oh?"

</p><p>"No really, I didn't see it. Okay, so know car chases?"</p>
  </div></div>
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